Tooting My Own Horn

I’ve never been good at choices. Even with seemingly simple things, if I think too hard or have too many options, my completely freeze up. Back in college picking a table to sit at in the dining hall was always a dilemma and drove my friends nuts. (There were just a lot of people I liked to have meals with, okay???? If my usual group of friends weren’t eating at the same time I was, it made picking a table very difficult.) Even now, when one of my friends and I try to decide on where to hang out after church we both slightly panic and then usually end up going to one of the same places we always go simply because it’s easier than making any other choice.

I’m always in that classic dilemma of “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

Needless to say, if I can’t even make a decision on where to eat or hang out on a certain day, when presented with bigger questions such as “what do you want to do in your life” or “where do you see yourself in 5 years” leave me completely overwhelmed.

I’m sorry, but how do I know that what I want now will be the same thing I want in 5 years? Just look at my career history for example. All through college I knew for sure that I wanted to be a youth minster. I did that for 5 1/2 years… for at least 2 of those years I was wondering if that was what I really wanted and ended up leaving that career path.

I’ve never been one for bucket lists and writing down my goals.

Yet lately, I’ve been wondering if it’s something I should be doing. One of my favorite bloggers, Helene In Between, on her blog the last few weeks has been talking a lot about getting what you want in life, making bucket lists, and reaching your goals. Then, this week I picked up the book Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis.* They’re both basically saying, if you want something, then find a way to get it.

As much as I avoid making choices and setting five year plans and all of that, I still have to admit there are things I want in life. Things I want to accomplish and goals to achieve. So, making that list for myself is a project I’m working on for myself. The goals might change over time, and that’s okay. But there is merit to writing them down because they become more tangible. Something that “yes, I am going to do this.” Whether I share this list or not, who knows. But it’s a start.

In this vein, Helene wrote a blog post about her bucket list and what she’s done and what she still hopes to do in life. I’ll admit, I tend to get a bit jealous as I read her blog and browse her Instagram account. If you don’t follow her - you should, but be prepared for major travel envy. She and her husband live in Germany and she’s a full time travel blogger. So many times I think “why can’t my life be like that?”

Then, something interesting happened. I read through her bucket list and some of the things she hopes to do one day and more than once I thought “Oh, I’ve done that.”

Yup. Little me who lives a completely boring life, works an hourly job, lives with her parents, who is perpetually single, doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t travel often, has done several items on Helene’s bucket list that she hasn’t gotten to yet.

Say whaaaaaaa?

It was kind of a cool feeling. (Not that we should be comparing our lives to others, and maybe this seems super shallow and selfish of me, but I was kind of excited. Sue me.)

It made me think back on the last 32 years a little differently.

Then, as I was reading Girl, Wash Your Face, one of the things she suggested the reader do is to write down the things they’ve accomplished. (She’s also mentioned writing down your goals.) We as women I think have a hard time with this. We don’t want to brag or seem to full of ourselves. But, we should celebrate and acknowledge these things. Even if they seem small.

So…. I sat down this morning and started a list of all of the things I’ve done so far in my life. Yes, I started with the things on Helene’s bucket list that I’ve done because I’m shallow like that.

To be honest, once I got going, this list was much easier to make than the one of what I hope to accomplish. Which was kind of awesome.

Here it is. I am tooting my own horn and saying “LOOK AT WHAT I DID.” We all have gifts, opportunities, and talents we’ve been given, and we need to use them. We can celebrate what we’ve done with our lives, even if it seems simple.

• Written 2 novels in 5 years (both were over 100k words)

• Queried one novel

• Won NaNoWriMo 9 times

• Sung in Pearl Harbor, the first Christian church in Hawaii, and on TV (thanks to my high school choir director)

• Performed in Disney World, Toronto, Michigan State University, state competitions, and local band competitions (thanks to my high school band director)

• Performed in 5+ local theatre productions

• Been paid to play/teach music

• Built a youth program

• Became a godmother

• Rescued an animal

• Read over 100 books in a year

• Seen a show on Broadway

• Met Broadway stars Samantha Barks, Steve Kazee, and Tony Baracco

• Met the following authors: VE Schwab, Becky Albertalli, Laini Taylor, Jay Kristoff, Amie Kauffman, Keira Cass, Leonard Sweet (we shared a golf cart at a conference once), and Stephanie Perkins

• Seen John and Hank Green live

• Seen Blake Mycoskie (the founder of Toms) speak live

• Met cast members of Gilmore Girls and This is Us

• Watched the sun rise on a mountain in the Appalachians

• Graduated college (this is a privilege I think too many of us take for granted)

• Seen Hamilton (I’ve seen several musicals, but considering how these tickets even here in Chicago can be super hard to get, I’m proud of this fact)

• Gone 8 years without a major injury (for someone with my bone condition, this is a BIG deal)

• Been on several service and missions trips

• Learned to play 5 instruments (one self taught)

• Traveled/Lived in the following states:

  • Illinois

  • Indiana

  • Missouri

  • California

  • Hawaii

  • New York

  • Alabama (Including going to Selma and seeing the inspiration for To Kill a Mockingbird and other important places relating to the civil rights movement)

  • Iowa

  • Louisiana

  • Florida (gone to Disney, The Magical World of Harry Potter, and Panama City Beach multiple times)

  • Minnesota

  • Michigan

  • South Carolina

  • Virginia

  • Ohio

  • Kentucky

There you have it, things I’ve accomplished in my life. Honestly, I think it’s a good list. Granted, we shouldn’t judge ourselves and our worth based on what we’ve checked off of a list or if our lists are longer than others, or anything like that. But, I do think that it’s a nice little confidence booster.

Because guess what? You’re awesome. You can, and have, do things! Awesome things! Even if they seem small.

I encourage you to make a list too. Even if there are only a few items on the list, but I think as you get going, you’ll surprise yourself. I know I did.

Because if I can accomplish all of this, then I can accomplish other things too, and so can you.

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If We Were Having Coffee

Good morning, friends! 

For the most part, my life lately has been looking pretty much the same. Work, write, read, sleep, repeat. But, when I go out and see friends I still find there's things to talk about. So... a quick life update for you!

If we were having coffee... I'd order my usual iced vanilla latte. Or if I have a sweet tooth, some sort of mocha frappachino! However, as September comes closer and closer you know I have my eye out for when the pumpkin spice latte will be released for the season! I know it's slightly early but... I love me some PSL because I'm super basic. I am over the heat and ready for fall! Or at least temperatures in the 70s. 

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about how my family and I are moving - again. We moved into the condo we're in last year, and now we're going to a rented house. The house itself is nice (needs some updating) and we should be able to stay there for awhile, which is great! But, moving is such a pain and while the location isn't bad - it's not my ideal. It's okay though. I'm warming up to the idea and again the house itself is nice. I'm looking forward to setting up my new room and work space.

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about how I'm slightly taking a step back from reading. I finished two or three books right away at the start of the month, but now I've been working on the same book for almost a week! And it's not even that long of a book! (So basically... I'm reading at the same pace as everyone else, haha.) It's weird, but I've been focusing on writing and other things lately. Which, I think is a good thing. Don't get me wrong- I don't expect this to last long. But, it's different.

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about how unhealthy I've been lately. I completely fell off the yoga train, and I don't have an appetite. Then, when I do have an appetite, I end up eating a whole bag of chips and don't have an actual meal. Then, I feel awful about myself. It's not that I need to go on an extreme diet or work out every single day or anything like that. But, I do need to get out of this bad cycle I'm in. 

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about how I'm on a slight social media hiatus. Mostly Twitter and Facebook (I'm having a harder time letting go of Instagram...) because I'm getting closer to completing this draft. If I can get myself to focus, having it done by the end of August is doable. My direct messages for all social media are still open so people can always reach me there, and I might pop in for things like #PitchWars and #ThursdayAesthetic but my hope is to step back so I can focus. At least for the time being. We'll see how long it lasts. 

If we were having coffee... I'd share with you pictures of my niece because I'm that person. She just turned 9 months, has her first tooth, and pulled herself up to standing in her crib! She's just so stinking cute. 

If we were having coffee... I'd gush about how I'm listening to Johnathan from Queer Eye's podcast, "Getting Curious." I'm OBSESSED. I'm listening to all of the episodes where he interviews the other cast members of Queer Eye and I can't wait to get to the rest of them. Basically, each episode he picks something he's curious about and interviews someone who is an expert in that field. I loved the episode about Renaissance Art and now I totally want to go wander around the Art Institute for a few hours. Can all of the guys from Queer Eye just be my BFFs? Cause seriously. They're amazing. 

Honestly, that's about it for me! Life is pretty steady at the moment, and I have a novel to finish. 

How is your life lately? If we were on a coffee date, what would we talk about?

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Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee.

Thoughts On Turning A Year Older

***Author's Note:  I debated on if I should edit/revise this blog post because as I read it back to myself, I realized it was such a "downer." But, I'm not going to, because it's real. I think it still ends on a hopeful note though.***

I had a lovely birthday last week.

It was filled with well-wishes posted on my Facebook, spending time with my family and friends, seeing a musical (Waitress, it was fabulous!), free Starbucks, gifts, great food, and relaxation. I couldn't have asked for more. 

Then once the (in this case, symbolic) confetti falls, the balloons are popped, and the cake is eaten, life returns to normal. 

It happens this way each year. Even as a child you're so excited for your birthday to arrive and you realize that you don't feel all that different at the age of 10 as you did when you were 9. Yet, each year we think it will be different. We'll feel more mature. We'll be smarter than we were before. We'll be more relevant and important. Or we worry we'll be less relevant and not as important as we once were.  We think "this will be the year I..." But not much changes. Not really. The daily routine stays the same and life goes on.

Getting older is a wonderful thing. It's a gift many people do not get to receive, and I am grateful. I lived another year, and from what I can tell I'll live for another one. It's great.

But, I still can't help but feel slightly "ho-hum" about the whole thing. It's not that I don't like my life, who I am, or how I was able to celebrate. It's all wonderful. I know I've accomplished a lot in my life and I'm blessed. As I think about it, I realize as you get older, sometimes it's more difficult to measure said accomplishments and blessings.

When you're a child, you can see your progress. With my niece for example, each month she looks different. She's doing something she hadn't before. She's growing in a new way.

When you get a little older, there's other accomplishments. You finished Kindergarten and now you move onto the 1st grade. You go from elementary school to junior high. You were on the junior varsity team, and now you're on varsity. High school is completed and then you move onto college, a job, the military, etc. You can more easily track your progress in life.

As an adult, those milestones don't come as frequently for many of us. When I think back on my life and where I was when I wrote my birthday post last year, save for my niece being born (which is more of a milestone for my sister and brother-in-law, not me), not a whole lot has changed. A lot of us don't have a lot of change year to year I don't think. Particularly if you aren't getting married and having children. 

Not that I want those things or envy those who do. If I were married right now, it would be to someone who wasn't good for me, nor I for them. If I had a baby right now they would be born into not the most ideal of situations. 

Career-wise though, unless you're getting promotions and new positions each year, that also is difficult to look back and think that you've accomplished something. Perhaps little projects here and there, or a challenge might come up at work you solve, but overall, things stay the same. 

I've never been one for the big "five year plans" or anything like that. I remember in college our professors would ask us about where we saw ourselves in a few years. While, for the most part I did have a vision for what I saw. (Probably working at a church as a youth director, my BFFs on staff with me, either dating someone or married to another church worker.) But, I never wanted to share a concrete "this is what I want" because part of me knew that things change. Your plan doesn't always go the way you think it will and God points you in new directions. 

Well... I did not stick to those plans I had for myself back in college. Thankfully. 

Or when I moved back to Chicago I may have had an idea of "After a year or two I'll be writing full time" or "I'll be working in a bookshop" etc. But, I was open to possibilities and didn't have an exact plan. Just willing to let God lead me where he thought I should go.

Yet, sometimes I wonder if there is some merit to creating those five year plans. Because then maybe at least you would have something you're striving for and as each year passes. You can look back and say "I did X, Y, and Z so I can get to..."

Then again - life changes and you can't always predict where you're going to go. I can proclaim "I will have a book deal by the time I'm..." until I'm blue in the face. But honestly? It's not something I can control. (Traditional publishing takes forever. So even if I were to randomly get a book deal at a certain time, it would still be at least another year until the book hits shelves.) Even goals I create for myself that I can control, don't always work the way I think they will. I planned to have a complete draft of a novel done by spring. Then, major writers block happened, and I switched gears. 

I'm not sure if I'm exactly in a rut. Because when I think about other people in my life we're all somewhat in the same type of situation. Life keeps moving on, even if we don't see the big achievements all of the time. I don't see them as being in a rut - so why would I be?

It's more of being on a straight open path and you keep moving forward.  Like driving from Missouri to Chicago. It's a lot of flat land and not many landmarks. But, you're still moving forward. The only difference is that I'm not 100% sure what my destination is. I have a general idea of where I think I'm going, but there could be a turn ahead that I'm not aware of yet and I'll end up somewhere completely different.

So, I'm not sure where my mind is this year for my birthday. I don't have any particular feelings about getting older. I'm simply here, still living and still moving.

Which even that, is a gift.

---

Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee.*

Also, for Harry Potter fans...*

NEW Commemorative 20th Anniversary Harry Potter Paperbacks - Available Now!

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10 Things I've Learned My First 10 Years Out of College

Yup. You read that correctly. As of this month, I will have been out of college for 10 years. 

Yes, I am now old. I'll be checking out the early bird special for dinner today and going to bed at a decent hour so I can be up in the morning. 

Well... technically I graduated in 2009 because I was in a five year program. However, that 5th year was a year long internship where I worked full-time and didn't step foot into a classroom except MAYBE once or twice. That internship became my full time job after that year was over and... it was basically the same. By the time I graduated, it felt like just a formality. Therefore, I always see 2008 as my "graduation."

Seeing everyone's graduation photos from the last couple of weeks (more will be coming since here in Chicago school doesn't get out until June!) and going back to the neighborhood where I went to college a couple of weekends ago, it's made me quite nostalgic for those days. I had a lot of fun those four years on campus, but I also realize more and more that I am no longer that girl. My friends from that time and I joke a lot about "if 18 year old us could see us now..." because they'd probably be completely shocked. 

1. It's Okay to be Pretty

For some reason, when I was younger I had this weird idea in my head that to care about looking pretty meant I was shallow. I refused to learn how to do my makeup, I didn't know what kind of shampoo and conditioner to use, my clothes were... okay, but yet I still wanted to be seen as pretty. I also didn't tell this to anyone.

I'm not entirely sure what was preventing me. Because in my mid-twenties I had a revelation that... hey... I was pretty. (Who knew?) Once I realized this, I treated myself that way, and I've never looked back. This could actually be an entire blog post, but I haven't found the right way to go about writing it yet.

I'm not saying that you need to wear makeup, purchase designer clothes, or spend all of your time primping in the mirror. I know many  confident, beautiful women (inside and out) who have no desire to do any of these things, and don't. Which is amazing! But if you do like to do those things - go for it. 

You are beautiful and it is okay to treat yourself as such.

2. Save Money

For real though. This is a lesson I'm constantly having to learn. I don't make a ton of money, and there are months when things get super tight on the wallet with bills, student loans, and life in general. 

But there are many times when I look back and I'm all "you know... if I had saved up a bit more and simply put away even just $20 each paycheck..." I would have much more financial freedom. 

I know, it's super easy to take that $20 and spend it on a book or put it on my Starbucks card (at least those are my go-to's), but in the long run you'll be thankful. 

3. It's Okay to not be Married with a Baby on the Way by the Age of 23

So... went to a conservative Lutheran University. Basically, everyone was all about getting married right after graduation and settling down right away. (I've heard this trend disappeared not long after I graduated - thankfully!) This is a pretty common thing at Christian schools for some reason. 

I never dated in college, and was always thinking something was wrong with me because I didn't have a boyfriend and wasn't planning my wedding. Most people my age were going to weddings towards the end of their 20s and early 30s. A majority of the weddings I attended were before I was the age of 25 because EVERYONE was getting married the second they graduated. I wasn't on that track, so clearly something had to be wrong. (Read more about it here.) 

Looking back... I'm so glad I never ended up with the guys I liked back then. They were great guys and are still some of my friends, don't get me wrong. But they were for sure not the ones for me. 

Even some of my friends who did get married young look back and think "what was I thinking?" I was talking to one such friend a few years ago and she was like "I was so crazy back then!" She's happily married to her college boyfriend and have a great relationship. But she said that there was zero reason for them to be in such a hurry to tie the knot. They could have waited a little longer and been just fine. 

Yeah, I've been doing the online dating thing now and putting myself out there because that's something I do want someday. But, I'm much more in a place of "I'd rather be alone than with the wrong man." I don't want to get married and have kids just for the sake of having that "status."

4. Sometimes You Have to Talk About the Uncomfortable Stuff

This was something I was figuring out towards the end of my years in school, but it's definitely come home for me since then. I never wanted to talk about topics like racism, sex, inequality, etc. Part of it I think was myself genuinely being naive and thinking that some of these weren't issues. Part of it was my own ignorance. Part of it was just me being dumb. When I think back on classroom conversations (particularly about racism) I'm embarrassed and ashamed of how I responded. 

But we have to talk about these things sometimes.

I'm glad I have friends I can open up to and share things I used to be embarrassed about before. I have people in my life who have taught me how some of my views were wrong and I'm learning to take those steps to correct them. I've been learning I can talk about my disability and learn more about it, even if it isn't the most fun of topics. I've learned to have the courage to speak up about certain things even though I know I'll have the unpopular opinion.

Just this past week, there was some personal body things that had to do with my disability I've been wondering about, and finally posted on a women's forum for my disability about it. I got some awesome responses and a couple other women commented saying that they were glad I brought it up because they had the same question.

Yeah, some conversations are uncomfortable, but you need to have them anyway.

5. Keep Writing and Keep Creating

I'm a creative and a lover of stories at heart. (In case you haven't noticed.) I've been writing my whole life, and when I'm not working on a book... there's something missing in my life.

But, it's about being creative in general. The first few years out of college, my co-workers kept on encouraging me to try out for the local community theatre since they knew I had studied theatre in school. It took me a couple of years, but I was so glad once I did. It was the creative release I'd been craving and didn't even realize it. I was happier and more energized than I'd been in months.

Creativity and the arts are part of who I am, and if I want to keep my mental health, they need to be part of my life.

6. Go on the Trip, but Pick who you Travel with Carefully

I wish I could travel more than I do! But, I've gone to a fair amount of places since graduating college. Some for work, some for fun. San Antonio, New Orleans, NYC, Orlando, Orange County, Joplin, Selma, etc. I love exploring new places, meeting new people, and having these great experiences. Sometimes, you just have to take the plunge and say "I'm going there" and just do it. 

But, I've also learned that who you travel with can make or break a trip. I'm the type of person where I don't care so much about what I'm doing, but rather who I'm doing it with. You can be great friends with a person, but not be great travel companions. 

7. Internet Friends are Real Friends

Post college I discovered the Internet. 

Not that I didn't know what it was or never used it - I'm a Millennial. Obviously, I did. My generation invented Facebook.

But it was after college where really learned about THE INTERNET. I started a blog, joined a couple of blogging sites (Rest in Peace, 20sb), and BOOM. A whole new world opened up before me. I started to use Twitter, then later Pinterest and Instagram and  YouTube and all of the other things. What surprised me the most was how I made friends.

REAL friends. 

Whenever people start to diss on social media and how it doesn't actually connect people,  I shut it down right away. Some of my closest friends I've made as an adult have been because of social media and blogging. It all started with a comment on their site, or replying to them on Twitter, then moving onto direct messages and texts. Some of them I've met in real life (and traveled with!), some I haven't. They're all awesome and fantastic. 

8. Like What You Like

For way too much of my life, I worried about what people thought of me. I wouldn't stand up for the things I enjoyed, or I thought others would like down on me because something I read or watched or listened to wasn't "good enough."

F*** that. 

Life is too short to be worrying about other judging you because you like something. Read the fluffy romance novel. Listen to an obscene amount of Glee music if you think it's fun. Watch The Bachelor and soak in all of the DRAMA. Who cares? 

9. Ambivert is a Real Thing

Yeah... this sounds slightly random, but once I heard about this, I kinda changed my life. I've always thought of myself as an extrovert. I'm loud, outgoing, and usually like people. Thus, extrovert, right?

WRONG.

I once worked with someone who was an EXTREME extrovert and we were so different from one another. When I was ready to calm down and hide away from the world, they'd still be rolling and have a ton of energy. There are times I don't want to be around people and simply want to sit at home with my dog and a book. 

Or, I find there are days I'm super shy. Or I don't know what to talk about. Or I get anxious about going out. I'd spent so much time with people who were true extroverts, I was used to all of these big social situations and realized I was just along for the ride. I wasn't the one who was making the new connections and making things happen. It was my other friends and it just rubbed off on me. Once I wasn't with those friends anymore... I didn't know how to be an extrovert anymore either.

Yet, I didn't fit in with the introvert side either. I'm not super quiet, I do like being around others, and too much alone time makes me stir crazy.

So what was I?

Enter, ambivert. 

I didn't have to be one or the other! I'm both. Just... sometimes having that definition for something is a relief and I'm not just wondering if I'm crazy.

10. I Don't Need to Worry About How Things "Should" Be

I should be married by now.

I should have kids.

My career should be in a certain place by a certain age.

I should be living in a certain place.

I should like these types of books.

I should go out more.

I should go out less.

My body should look a certain way.

I should have "experience" in certain things by now.

If you look this way/believe this one religion/dress a certain way/live in this area/have this orientation/etc then you should...

You know what I say?

F*** that.

We spend far too much time worrying about how things "should" be instead of accepting how and who we are. We compare ourselves to people around us thinking that our lives aren't how they "should" be yet. 

Sometimes, your life will look different than another persons. Even if you are very similar in a way. If you're a white straight Christian woman living in the suburbs, your life is going to look different than the other white straight Christian woman living in the suburbs next door.

And that's okay. 

You be you.

So... what life lessons have you learned over the last few years? Anyone else looking back on 10 years since graduating?

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Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee. 

If We Were Having Coffee

One of my favorite life catch up blog formats is this "if we were having coffee." It's probably because I'm slightly addicted to Starbucks and going on a coffee date is one of my favorite ways to catch up with friends in real life.

Since I can't have coffee with all of you, this will have to do.

No... this post isn't sponsored by Starbucks. 

I WISH. Starbucks, if you want to sponsor me, I'd be MORE than happy to oblidge. Give me all the coffee!

If we were having coffee... if it's in the morning I'm ordering a grande vanilla iced latte. If it's the afternoon I'm going all out and getting a mocha frappachino! Spring has finally arrived in Chicago, and I'm all about enjoying the sunshine and a refreshing cold drink.

If we were having coffee... I'd request we sit outside in the sunshine. There is only a tiny window in the year where it's warm enough to sit outside, but not so warm you're begging for air conditioning. Let's enjoy it while it's here, shall we?

If we were having coffee... I would probably continue to gush about the good weather. I'm not usually one who is overly anxious for spring to come. I don't LOVE the freezing cold, but I can deal. I'm not a huge fan of extreme summer heat, so while I like spring... I just then think that summer is coming. But this year it was even too much for me. Bring on the sunshine!

If we were having coffee... I'd also gush about spring and summer dresses and skirts. I just bought a couple and I love them in place of shorts! They're just so comfortable and even when it's casual, it makes me feel just slightly fancier and more feminine. Nothing beats looking cute while also feeling comfortable.

If we were having coffee... I'd bring up work, because whenever I talk to people for some reason I can't avoid it. Work is on my mind a lot, and I have to let it out sometimes! There's some changes coming soon, and they make me slightly nervous. We're also short staffed at the moment (again) and that makes everything more stressful. Basically, I need a nap and a vacation.

If we were having coffee... I'd share my woes about dating. (Again.) If this was a week ago, I would have talked about how I was feeling hopeful and talking to a couple of seemingly great guys. This week? It's a whole new story. I'm down, frustrated, angry, and disappointed. Every time I think I'm finally up to meeting someone, they turn out to be awful, or plain disappointing, or not who I thought they were.  I'm wondering if I just have terrible taste or don't know how to read the warning signals. I'm also wondering if I need to delete all of the apps and not bother anymore. I'm constantly battling not settling for less than I deserve, while also not having unrealistic expectations. 

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about nostalgia. This past week I went out with some college friends to the neighborhood where we went to school. I rarely go out that way these days and driving down those roads gives me some hard core nostalgia. It's like I'm 21 again! (Which... I graduated 9 years ago. Yikes! I'm old.) We saw students from the school getting ice cream where we were eating and it was weird to think it was so long ago we were in the same shoes getting ready to graduate. I'm also amazed how much my life and relationships have changed since then. I'm surprised by who I've kept in touch with and who I haven't. I'm surprised at how much my personality has changed... but also how it hasn't. If only college me could see me now! I think she'd be pretty shocked and appalled. But, I'm okay with that.

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about how I'm super excited that I finally finished my Chicagoland Vampires book collection. Nerdy, I know. But do you expect anything else from me? I fell IN LOVE with this series about a year or two ago and read all of the books via the library. Since it completed last year, I decided I should own them for myself. As of this week I have all 13 and they fit perfectly on my shelf. They look fabulous!

If we were having coffee... I'd say how I wish I could do things like this more often. It seems like I never have time or opportunities to hang out with friends and relax. I do have relaxation time, but it's usually alone. I miss being more social, but with my odd schedule it's difficult to find time when others are free when I am. I'm not sure what to do about that. 

If we were having coffee... I'd share how I'm attempting to do yoga again. Not every day, but a couple of days a week. I love watching Yoga With Adrienne videos on YouTube, but I'd like to explore more!

If we were having coffee... Going with the "self-care" lines I'd say how I'm also taking more baths lately. It's been YEARS since I've taken a bath, but a month or two ago I did a bath bomb making night with some friends and one of them encouraged me to take more since it'll help with my bones and relaxing all of my sore muscles. At first, it was super weird and awkward. I didn't really know what to do with myself. But, now I've gotten myself a bath pillow, fun bath bombs, and I bring music and a book with me. It's so nice and relaxing! #treatyourself

If we were having coffee... I'd talk about how my niece is already 6 months old! She's getting so big and active. She's even going to be transitioning to "real" food soon which I can't believe! Aunt life is the best.

So, what about you? If we got together for a coffee date, what would you talk about? And more importantly - what's your order? 

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Also, if you're buying some books - check out this offer (and others) from Barnes and Noble, good May 9-15, 2018! (Yes, it's an affiliated link. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!)

Take 10% Off Your Order with code YESWAY

Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee. 

My Not-So-Glamorous Writing Life

"So... what else do you do other than read and write?" my friend asked me with a laugh.

I laughed along with her. "Nothing!"

Over the weekend I had a rare night out with some friends. It was ladies night at her jewelry store and we got to peruse and try on jewelry we would never be able to afford. We looked through their book of charms to see if there were any that matched my interests and hobbies. Of course, the first things that came to mind where books and writing. It was hard for me to think of other things I enjoy and do that could be portrayed in a charm.

Now, I do have more interests than books. I love my dog, coffee, theatre, etc. But most of the time, all I do once I get home from work is read and write. Then on my days off, beyond my day-to-day errands, I spend it reading and writing. I don't even get out to go write at a coffee shop or something often these days.

Quite frankly, the life of someone aspiring to be a published author isn't all that glamorous or exciting. In fact, I've been told that even when you are published, life isn't glamorous or exciting. I was listening to Mindy McGinnis' podcast, Writer Writer Pants on Fire, one day, and she shared about the day she got her agent. (Or maybe it was when her book sold, I can't remember which.) She said that she got the phone call and she was so excited!

Then she had to go change her cat's litter box.

So glamorous and exciting, right?

I peruse Instagram everyday, and I see other bloggers and writers showing off their photos. They're traveling! Going to coffee shops! Finding the cutest little boutique! Eating ice cream in the sunshine! Showing off their new book covers! Life! Is! So! Great!

My life looks nothing like this. 

Now, I'm fully aware that these photos are staged and intentionally made in a way to showcase the highlights. Most of these people's day to day isn't like this at all. But I take a look around and I think "I don't even have something I can manipulate into a pretty picture to make you think my life is super Instagram and blog-worthy."

I mean, there's only so many ways I can take a photo of my keyboard and coffee mug. 

As much as we like to aspire to the dream of being a super glamourous writer who takes their laptops to adorable coffee shops, typing away with grand and beautiful ideas, gasp-worthy plot points, dreaming up swoony love scenes, and heart-wrenching moments to make you cry and the perfect writing music is playing in the background, this just isn't how it is. 

My writing routine mainly consists of this:

• Staring at my computer screen
• Searching Spotify because I can't decide what music I'm in the mood for
• Staring at the pictures on my wall
• Typing a few words then deleting them, writing words, deleting them again, etc.
• Pacing my bedroom until I can get inspiration or the one word I'm searching for comes to me
• Flipping through my notebook cause I can't remember what I named a certain kingdom 
• Scrolling through Pinterest because I just CAN'T write until I have the perfect model to inspire me for a character
• Searching the kitchen for a snack
• Replying to messages from my writing group
• Telling my dog to get off my lap so I can type
• Getting a couple of paragraphs done
• Repeat

So, when people ask me how the book is going, or what's new in my life... I'm at a loss for words. The book is going well, but I don't necessarily have anything to show for it right now. If I ever do, it's going to be several months. Maybe even years. As for what's new in my life, not a whole lot because supposedly my book is going well. When it's going well, that basically means I'm in my writing hole and don't emerge from it often. 

Even if going well is me staring at the computer screen.

Earlier this year I was talking with a group of friends from church about my "work, go home, write, read, go to sleep, do it all again the next day" routine, it felt like one or two people kind of pitied me. 

Which, I can see that. It is pretty boring, and I guess I can say that I'm in a "life rut."

But at the same time, I also know this is how it goes when it comes to completing a novel. It takes a long time, and it's not super exciting. Yes, I want to go out more. I want to see my friends more often. I want "adventure in the great wide somewhere" as Belle would sing. Part of who I am is getting out and being around people. The whole "I really am an extrovert" thing. 

On the other hand, I'm learning to accept that this process isn't going to look exciting. Most of the time, it's going to appear to be pretty boring. That's just how it is.

Which, I struggle with sometimes. There are days I don't mind, and there are days where it does bother me. I'm not sure what the answer is though. 

What about you? Do you find that you get stuck in a routine and unsure of how to get out of it? What aspects of your life do you find really boring? What do you think would surprise people about your day-to-day routine?

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April Goals

Happy April! 

Supposedly it's officially spring now in Chicago. Which... spring is always slightly random for us. We had the coldest Easter Sunday in 20 years last year, but it's been sunny and should be warming up soonish. 

We'll see what "soonish" actually turns out to be.

But, at least it appears as though the worst of winter is behind us. Even just having the sun out more often while it's still cold gives hope that spring is coming and gives me a tad more motivation to reach some of those goals I made back in January. Starting resolutions in the middle of winter is a terrible idea, because all I want to do is curl up in bed with a book and binge Netflix TV shows. 

April also means Camp NaNoWriMo is starting! It's like the little sister to National Novel Writing Month where people get to work on their writing projects. There are a few differences though.

1. During National Novel Writing Month in November, the big goal is 50,000 words. During Camp, you get to set your own goal.
2. You have the option to be put into a "cabin" of other writers where you have a little chat going and can encourage one another in your goals.
3. You don't have to necessarily be working on a novel during Camp. 

I don't regularly participate in Camp NaNoWriMo the way I do the big event in November. It all depends on what I'm working on and what's going on in my life. This year, I decided that I'm going to casually participate since it could be the kick in the rear I need to get some major headway in my novel done. 

What will I be working on? Glad you asked.

I'm officially stepping back from Vampire Snow White (Bleeding Heart.) I love that book and the characters, but the writers block I've had with it has been some of the most intense I've ever experienced. After talking over with my writing group, I think it's time to take a break from it for the time being. At first I didn't want to switch projects and push through it, because if you keep on switching around what you're working on, nothing will ever get done. But, I think this is for the best. I love this book, but I don't think I have the tools or mindset to tackle it yet. In the future I will, but not right now.

Which means I'm going back to the novel I originally was working on before Bleeding Heart took over, and that's what I nick-name my "fairy tale mash-up" (White Rose). 

White Rose is going to be more of an adult epic or high fantasy novel that I think would have young adult appeal. (Think A Court of Thorns and Roses. While, technically it is marketed as  YA, NONE of the characters are teenagers after the first book and has a lot of content that I don't see as being YA. I see my book as being something similar.) The main focus is combining the two fairy tales of "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" with "Snow White and Rose Red" where we see the story of two sisters, Eira and Rose. There's a bunch of other fairy tales I want to reference though, which makes it really fun.

I'm pretty excited about this book because since it's not a urban fantasy, all of it will take place in a different fantasy world and I'm enjoying building it up. 

My overall word count goal is to write 25,000 words. I already had 14,000 words written in this novel. So, by the end of April I should have roughly 40,000 words done. This makes for a little over 800 words a day. Which is not bad at all.

I'm not going to stress myself out about word count though. As long as I'm making regular progress each day, I'm going to be happy. I also will not be joining a cabin. I have a good core group of writing friends and other connections I've made, and they aren't all participating in Camp. It's just easier and more helpful to go to them when I need support. 

It's going to be a fun month writing-wise and I'm excited!

I have one other goal I want to work on this month too. That's building up my email list. A few days ago I posted on social media that if I were to add an incentive for people to join my email list, which would be the best:

• Original fiction
• Writing help freebies

Some people said they'd want original fiction, but the majority asked for writing help freebies, to my surprise! So, that's something I'd like to work on. It'd be great to have some sort of free worksheet or workbook or something for people who sign up for the email list. I'm not sure how to do it yet, or what it will entail, but it's definitely on my goals for April. 

If anyone has experience making the PDFs for their subscribers (writing or otherwise) please let me know, because I have no idea where to even begin!

What are some of your goals for April? Anyone else participating in Camp NaNoWriMo?

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Writers Self-Care

I'm not good at staying healthy and taking care of my body. I don't have a regular exercise routine, I don't pre-plan my meals or stick to a diet, and depending on my work schedule I either get too little sleep, or too much. 

What possessed me to open up Yoga With Adrienne on YouTube on my days off this week, I have no idea.

But you know what? It felt good. I loved being able to stretch out, get a work out in, and focus my mind to prepare for the day. 

Years back, I had gotten into the habit of doing yoga almost everyday, but then I randomly skipped a day and it all went downhill from there. Once you break a habit it's hard to get it back. I learned that the hard way the last few months when I took December off from writing my novel. Getting back into the habit of sitting down and writing has been difficult to say the least. 

A few days ago, I was talking with one of my critique partners and she was saying how essential her daily writing sessions have been for her life, and hated the idea of having to give them up for other things through the day. For most of us writers, getting in our daily writing time is hard because it's such an isolated thing. Particularly if you aren't getting paid for it. It seems selfish and guilt sets in.

On the Writing Excuses Podcast, Brandon Sanderson continually encourages writers to not feel this way, because our writing is an essential part of who we are and how we take care of ourselves. He says that when someone has a daily run or a weekly basketball league they go to, no one ever is like "Well, you're never going to be a professional basketball player or Olympic athlete so why bother?" We should have the same attitude towards our writing. Even if it doesn't pay you anything, that doesn't mean it's not important. 

It's just like me trying to fit yoga into my schedule. I could see the difference in my day after having that time to clear my head and take care of myself. 

A lot of times, I feel like people tend to look down and make fun of the self care trends. At least in the circles I run in. It's seen as excuses to go shopping, take a bubble bath, or binge watch something on Netflix. 

I'm not saying that those things aren't part of self care. They totally can be! But that's not all it is. Sometimes, you simply need to recharge and do something for yourself in order to help others and be more productive. Writing, reading, working on a creative project, and yes - sometimes binge watching something on Netflix - and taking care of your mind and spirit are just as an important part of self-care as physical exercise and diet are. 

But, sometimes we creative types need to take a break from those things too. 

Camp NaNoWriMo is starting up in April, and people all over the world will get to work on various writing projects. I've heard stories of writers not sleeping and forgetting to eat because they're so engrossed in what they're working on. Some writers will lie on the floor and mope because they can't figure out what to do next and think they're failures. 

But, there are moments when we use these activities as an excuse to not do other important things. That's not good either. 

A blog friend of mine, Brittany, wrote about "Adulting as Self-Care" the other day and how she might not like grocery shopping, but she likes the stability of knowing she and her family have food and are provided for. 

Sometimes you have to do some things you don't like in order to take care of yourself. We have to work a job we aren't in love with all of the time in order to get a paycheck. We have to sit down and pay our bills on time. We need to eat. We need to sleep. If what you're working on is stressing you out too much, focus on something else for a bit. You need stability and food on the table too.

I had the privilege of going to a night with Lin-Manuel Miranda at a theatre a year or two ago. (Yes, I was in the room where it happened. Sorry - couldn't resist!) He did a Q&A with the audience and someone asked "How do you respond when you want to pursue the arts and people tell you to get a real job?"

His response?

"That's good advice."

Yeah, I was slightly surprised too. But, his explaination made sense. 

He said that you should always do what you love, but you also need to pay your bills. You need to have health insurance. You need groceries. You need to take care of your family. Even if he didn't have the success he does now, he'd still be writing musicals because it's what he loves. But, he also would be working as a music substitute teacher to be sure that he and his family were taken care of.

Or there are the times when we focus too much on it. As important as making your creative projects a regular habit is, sometimes you need a break from your self-care.

There are a lot of moments when I get so engrossed in writing, that is stresses me out, and I see other parts of my life suffer because of it. I don't spend time with people I care about because I just have to get this chapter done, or I'll eat junk food all of the time because it's easier to eat at the keyboard, and I'll cut back on the hours I sleep because I need more time in the day to get my word count in for the day. 

Those aren't always good things either. 

Or no matter what it is you do in life, it doesn't have to be just writing or being creative. If you aren't taking care of yourself, how can you do anything else well? It's all balancing act. 

Just some random thoughts I've been having on the subject lately. How do you balance self-care and also being sure you're productive? Also, I highly recommend a blog a friend of mine started called Help Mama Mediate. While it is for mom's and mediation (I'm not one, and I don't meditate really) she still discusses a lot with self-care and has some awesome tips and advice for being sure you take time out for yourself. 

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Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee. This simply helps me to  continue creating aquality and professional content - along with you receiving my lifelong love and appreciation!

Why Representation in Media Matters (To Me)

It's Saturday night and I hop into my car after seeing the movie, Love, Simon. It's no secret I'm a Becky Albertalli fangirl. I've read the book, Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda five times, have cried over The Upside of Unrequited, pre-ordered Leah on the Offbeat, and I met Becky at YallFest in 2016. (Twice. She follows me on Twitter now and patiently and kindly puts up with all of my flailing.) The movie was all I had hoped it would be. Of course there were a couple of minor tweaks I would have made, but nothing that ruined my enjoyment and appreciation of it. I laughed and cried and one of the best moments was when the theater erupted in applause at the big romantic scene towards the end. Nothing could warm my heart more. 

Thank goodness for friends who don't judge too harshly when a grown woman gushes about her "precious baby Simon" and how she wants to "squish his cheeks and give him a hug." 

As I opened up "Simon's Playlist" on Spotify and drove home, I couldn't help but think about how glad I am this movie and book exists. There are so many kids (and adults) who will, and already, have gotten so much out of it. I think of the friends I've known who are somewhere on the LGTBQIA+ spectrum and how much media like this would have meant to them when we were in high school.

Because while Simon is one of my favorite books and I loved the movie - this story isn't for me. It's for them. I'm so happy they have it.

As I drove, my mind wandered to the books, movies, and TV shows that are for me. The ones that deal with the types of representation which would reflect who I am. I've talked about this topic before and more of my personal reasons for representation in media on my now abandoned YouTube channel. It was in response to a video My Name is Marines made, which was much better done than mine. 

I want to revisit this topic, but here on my blog. My video was fine, but not as good as I want it to be, and I tend to write out my thoughts better than speaking them sometimes. Go figure. 

For a long time, I purposely avoided anything which featured a character who had a disability because whenever I saw any, it was terrible. The character had no depth, all they ever talked or thought about was their disability (sorry, I don't wake up thinking about it every single morning), and they were always this weird-perfect-better than everyone else-someone we should all aspire to be- and only existed to be inspirational-being.

No thanks.

I also never saw a character who had a condition I could fully connect with. They would be blind, or deaf, or permanently in a wheelchair, and I was none of those things. I have Osteogenesis Imperfecta which basically means I break my bones a lot and have short stature. (I'm 4'2.) For most of my childhood, I had braces and a walker. Then in jr. high I didn't need braces anymore, but we did get a wheelchair because that was an easier and safer way for me to travel long distances and to carry my books through the school hallways. Even then, I wasn't in it permanently. And none of the characters I saw had short stature the way I did. Then, when shows like Little People, Big World, came out, I was able to connect with them on a certain level. But we have completely different conditions, so it still didn't quite fit the bill.

As I thought about it, I realized it went deeper than this though. Part of me felt I wasn't allowed to enjoy media featuring disabilities. 

My strongest memory stemming to this is from the 1996 summer Olympics. Naturally, all of us kids were excited about it and all summer talked about our favorite Olympians and moments. One day, I was with some of my friends and we were listing our favorite gymnasts. My answer was Kerri Strug. 

The other girls, who were very familiar with my disability and all of my injuries which sent me to the ER several times a year, rolled their eyes and said "you only like her because she got hurt."

Embarrassed, I tried to defend myself by saying that I also thought she was a good gymnast. But it was no use. Already, my opinion was regarded as not valid. 

I wish someone had told me "So what if you only like her because, like you, she's experienced extreme pain but also had to keep going and push through it?" 

Because it's a completely valid reason to admire someone.

Yes, I understand we were in fourth grade and kids can be ridiculous. But, we also can't deny that sometimes what appears to be the smallest things from childhood stick with us for a long time. Even in college my friends would tease me about my love of Snow White, and said it was only because the dwarfs were short like me.

Later in my 4th grade year, I picked up a book called Midnight in the Dollhouse by Marjorie Filley Stover.  It was a novel about a young girl living in post-Civil War time and broke her hip, then during the healing process was confined to her bed for three months. To pass the time, her family got her a set of small dolls and a dollhouse for her to play with. (Of course, the dolls came to life and had adventures.) This book ticked so many boxes for me. I was an avid reader of the American Girl books, so historical fiction was my jam. Then, I loved to play with my dolls and create elaborate stories for them. But on top of it, was a character I could connect to. 

A majority of my childhood was spent with broken bones, having to stay in bed for long periods of time, and needing to find something to do. I remember I was even excited because when the character healed, her left leg ended up being slightly shorter than her right leg. I had the same thing!

While she didn't have the exact same situation as I did, for the first time I had a character I could see myself in. I didn't even realize how much I was craving for a story where I could say "me too!" until I read one.

But, I never tried to seek any more out. Maybe I thought it was a fluke, and for the most part, it kind of has been. Because whenever I did see or read something with a character who had a disability, it wasn't done well.

How awesome it would have been for me to read a book about a kid with braces on their legs. Or now as an adult to read a book about a character with a disability and it doesn't end with them dying, or moaning and groaning about their situation all of the time, or being so perfect and inspirational it's impossible to connect.

Which, we are coming along in that area. But we still have so far to go.

Then, I think about all of the other areas in my life I could see more in media. A big example was when I read The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli. The premise is about a teenage girl who has had 26 crushes, but never a boyfriend. 

As a perpetually single person, this book resonated with me on a deeper level than I had anticipated. She expressed feelings and insecurities I had back then, and even now as an adult, when it comes to relationships I never fully admitted to myself. So often we read stories about people who are in relationships and have had relationships as though it's assumed EVERYONE has had these experiences. I want more stories about the rest of us.

Or, when I read Georgia Peaches and Other Forbidden Fruit  by Jaye Robin Brown. It was so refreshing to see a book featuring characters who are Christian - but also aren't complete jerks like you usually do. AND it wasn't a "Christian" book either. (Don't even get me started on Christian books.)

Or books about sisters.

And platonic friendships.

 And healthy families. 

It's amazing how even us writers tend to write awful stories about writers. (Example - Rory writing her book in Gilmore Girls:  Year in the Life. I rolled my eyes so hard it hurt.) 

Then, there's also the point of that we don't have to be like a character in order to learn from the story. When I go back to Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda, I think of how much I learned and connected to the book. No, I'm not a gay teenage boy. I have no idea what that's like, I'll never have to come out to my family, or experience someone blackmailing me about my sexuality. But, there were still so many other elements of the book that I could relate to when I was in high school, and I was able to see something from a different point of view. 

That's the beauty of storytelling. We see through someone else's eyes. 

I've been watching a lot of Queer Eye on Netflix lately, and so much of it is about just this. People who are completely different from one another learning from each other. 

There's power in learning and seeing the perspective of someone different than you are.

And there's power in seeing yourself in a story. Just think of all of the black kids right now who are watching Black Panther and feeling empowered by it. Think of all of the women who felt the same when they watched Wonder Woman.

That's why representation matters.

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Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee. This simply helps me to offset costs (ex. paying for my website domain) so I can continue to create quality and professional content - along with you receiving my lifelong love and appreciation!